Opinions.

I know I haven't posted anything for, well, quite some time. This is for a number of reasons. Firstly, I am lazy. Secondly, I have been doing other things. Finally, there are enough people spouting their opinions on topical events. I have enjoyed writing about some things, but really I'm just another voice in the crowd. I'm not going to bother posting anything topical to do with the news anymore, partly because there are plenty of other people doing that, but partly because it is a waste of my time (and indeed your time should you choose to read it).

From now on I'll only post anything on here if it is useful. Sometimes it might be a travel blog and sometimes, not. Basically if I find out something that can help others in some way then I'll post it. Unless it is obvious. Obviously. 

News news news.

I highly doubt anyone has noticed/cares, but I haven't posted much lately. This is partly because I've been busy, but partly because there has been lots of news. The problem this has is that it makes it difficult to write. It isn't because there is no inspiration, but because there is so much going on it becomes really difficult to care about anything. Writing about what is going on shouldn't be that difficult, but there is so much going on and there always seems to be something going on, so it doesn't seem worthwhile. In summary:

"In three words I can sum up everything I've learned about life: it goes on."

Robert Frost

The Ashes.

The Ashes are well under way now, with England taking a comfortable 2-0 lead in the series. As someone who has always been a cricket fan this is completely unfamiliar territory; the last time England took a 2-0 lead in a home Ashes series was in 1890. The first test was a fantastic match, the kind where right up until the end it was impossible to say which side would win. That said, the first test wasn't a typical test match in many respects. A lot of the wickets that fell were due to batsmen playing shots that, well, aren't test match shots. If it was a Twenty20 match then fair enough, but in the 5 day version you should be leaving and blocking more, not risking your wicket for the sake of a boundary.

This week's test has certainly been different. England managed (just) to win after only 4 days. Excellent innings from Ian Bell and Joe Root put England in a commanding position allowing the bowlers to do the rest. And they did, very well. Again, that said, Australia's batting has been woeful. The use of the DRS has been poor and the shot selection has been poor, but even taking that into account they have looked totally outclassed. 

With England being so dominant, and it looking like that will continue (although I don't want to write off the Aussies, they did almost win that first test) it raises some interesting thoughts. We never really find ourselves as strong favourites in almost any big sporting stage, but now we are and we are living up to it. People seem almost apologetic that the match has been so one-sided. Listening to commentary you'll keep hearing things like "it's a shame" or "a pity" or "disappointing" that Australia haven't competed.

Now don't get me wrong, I am delighted with how England are doing, but winning comfortably just isn't very British. In fact, it's just not cricket.

Heatwave!

If you're in the UK you'll have probably noticed that there is a bit of a heatwave going on. So, have fun in the sun, but remember to put on sun cream and drink plenty of water. Anyway, too hot to type any more. Enjoy the weather.

State of Origin.

Today saw the decider of the 3 game State of Origin series and it didn't fail to disappoint. Queensland won the game 12-10, making New South Wales the losers for the past 8 years. NSW can consider themselves a little unlucky but there is no denying what a fantastic team the Queensland outfit is. The massive crowds, the build up, the intensity of the game all make for a great spectacle. I just wish we had something like that in England. We do have The Ashes, which is an intense rivalry, but without the physical contact it just isn't the same.

The attitude towards sport in Australia must be the key difference. It is taken much more seriously and is funded much better, and that is why at most sports they are better than us. We could have a competition as intense as the State of Origin, but only if we invest in sport more. It isn't just a matter of entertainment, but fitness, health, well being and even money. If you can sell out an 80,000 seat stadium then you'll be bringing in a hell of a lot of money.

Here's hoping sport in the UK can take off.

Ice Cream Vans.

I love ice cream vans. The various tunes they play, the array of delicious food, the convenience, the nice people who serve you and how much of a welcome sight they are during warm weather like we've been having lately. All of this got me thinking. Well, actually it got me hungry, but after eating an ice lolly I started thinking. Do other countries have ice cream vans? I know America has them and I doubt that places that are cold all year round have them, but do hot countries have them? Are there any in North Africa of the Middle East for example? Are there any in Australia of South America? If there aren't then I may have found a gap in the market.

As always answers in the comments box. Also if anybody sees this as a worthwhile investment then I'm perfectly willing to partner you.

Stay cool everyone.

By eating frozen treats.

Oh no not the Post Office too!

Regardless of your opinion of the Royal Mail, it works. It is easy to complain about it and it does have flaws, but it has existed for almost 500 years and well over 100 years in a form we'd recognise today. So why, after so long, has the government decided to sell it? If it isn't turning a profit in the hands of the government; the people who have ran it for hundreds of years, why should it suddenly become a cash-cow in the inexperienced hands of private enterprise? Things do get lost and sometimes broken in the post and sometimes things are late, but considering how many pieces of mail must be sent every day it is pretty impressive that the vast majority of things I want through the post arrive and arrive on time. It is a fairly simple rule that I think most people know; if it isn't broke, don't fix it. As far as I can see Royal Mail isn't broke. It might not be fantastically profitable, but that doesn't mean the government should give up on it. If the government were as forward thinking as they pretend to be then they'd think if initiatives to make the postal service more profitable, rather than do their default option of just selling it off. 

This government has no answers to any problems we face. All they can do is sell every government asset off in a cowardly attempt to absolve themselves of any blame. I might sound like I am overreacting but we can't just sit back and take this kind of thing. The NHS is still under threat from privatisation.

Can we please make some sort of stand for Royal Mail?

Yeehaw! It's a sports roundup.

As most of the news is either violent or depressing I think I should do a sports roundup instead.

Andy Murray

Although I have no interest in tennis I suppose I should congratulate Murray on winning Wimbledon. It is strange that he is being celebrated as the first Briton to win Wimbledon in over 70 years. Firstly Wimbledon isn't competed like the Olympics with Murray representing Great Britain, he is just representing himself and Scotland. English people claiming him as their own is pretty worrying for tennis as a country that pumps quite a lot of money into the sport can't produce anyone even half decent. Secondly Wimbledon was won by a Briton just 36 years ago. Virginia Wade won the tournament in 1977 but apparently women don't count in tennis.

The Lions

The British & Irish Lions beat Australia in the three match test series down under 2-1. This victory has been described as a something amazing, but surely a team made up of the best players from 4 of the top ranked nations should be able to beat the single nation of Australia.

The Ashes

Unusually for England they go into an Ashes series as firm favourites. Australia are clear underdogs, but as we all know you can never write them off.

Recent lack of posts. Also planes, trains, the weather, Egypt and space.

Sorry for not posting much over the last few days, but in my defence I haven't been near my laptop much. Also, I was in Hell Hull yesterday. Another excuse I have is the weather. In England it has been fantastically sunny. Perhaps too warm for some people, certainly at night and hayfever sufferers are getting it pretty bad, but it is still much nicer than this time last year. Last summer was the wettest on record.

So, having been away from a computer for a few days I notice a few things have happened. There have been a few plane crashes, a runaway train and something which very closely resembles the beginnings of a civil war in Egypt. My deepest sympathies to all who have been effected by those recent events.

In less serious news Google informs me that it is 66 years since the Roswell UFO incident. If you believe it or not, it is difficult to gaze up at the thousands of twinkling stars in the night's sky and not think that in all that space there must  be something else living out there. I personally think that Earth is the only planet with life and we are the exception that proves the rule, or space is teeming with life. I do hope there is intelligent life out there, because there isn't much here on Earth.

What the hell is happening in Egypt?!

I don't know an awful lot about modern day Egypt. I know there are pyramids and the river Nile and things like that, but what has been happening lately is baffling. From watching and reading the news it seems like the Egyptian people are very unhappy with the leader they elected and have got the army to get rid of him. Now in a democracy this isn't really on. Lots of people aren't happy with the UK's government, but we're not trying to stage a coup. The other aspect of the Egyptian unrest is that although many people were protesting to get rid of their leader, there also seem to be many supporters of him. I have no idea who the majority is. You would imagine that the majority of people wanted a new leader because the army have acted upon their behalf. But I also keep hearing that the army has vested interests so might just be acting selfishly. That is my understanding of things so far.

What is confusing me now is what people want next. Clearly some people never wanted this change, but what do the other people want? Do they want a military government? Do they want another democratic general election? Do they want to interim government to continue? Do they want a mighty Pharaoh to rule their desert land? No matter what happens next, the situation in Egypt looks tense. Religion seems to be playing a key role in everything, which is stupid. Surely regardless of your religion you can all agree to have a government and leader who creates wealth, improves schools, hospitals and infrastructure. Come on Egypt, solve this sensibly.

Video games.

I'm not brilliant at video games. I'm not bad at some sports games and some simulation type games. Anyway, here are some of the best video games I've played.

Grand Theft Auto: Vice City - not the most recent or technologically advanced but I think it was the most fun to play. Probably had the best soundtrack too.

Timesplitters 2 - again not the most recent but the games like capture the flag were just brilliant to play. Crazy characters and weapons somehow made killing hundreds of enemies less horrific.

Zoo Tycoon - there is a trend here for not going with the most recent version, but again this is my favourite. A good game to play over a long period of time. Also there are monkeys.

Rugby League 2 - yes, not the most recent, but definitely the game I have spent the most time on. Very addictive and wonderfully customisable. Not just in-game customisation, but because it was on PC you could edit almost anything. You could make the pitch blue or make it rain someone's face. Brilliant.

Age of Empires 3 - finally the most recent edition of a franchise. Another incredibly addictive game with some good scenarios that you can play for hours.

Enjoy and tell me your favourites in the comments box below.

Organ Donation.

Wales has decided that from 2015 people will have to opt-out of organ donation, rather than opt-in. I think this is a good thing. Once I'm dead I don't care what people do with my body, I'll be dead. If people do have an objection to donating their organs then they'll opt-out. If they don't opt-out then they don't care that much what people do with their organs. On the whole, good news.

Idiots buy anything.

If you have paid money for a hand wash dispenser that has a sensor so you don't have to touch it, then you're an idiot. It isn't any more hygienic that a normal dispenser. Once you have touched the dispenser to get the hand wash then that is the last time you touch it. Then you wash your hands with the hand wash and carry on with life. There is no hygienic benefit in not touching the dispenser. Please don't pay extra money for this.

It isn't the only product that is phenomenally stupid, there are plenty more that are clearly aimed at people with more money than sense. So many cosmetic adverts use obviously made-up 'science' to justify claims that nobody on this planet can rightfully make. No product is anti-ageing unless it can stop time. Nothing can make your hair alive or stop it dying because hair is dead cells. Even yoghurt isn't just yoghurt any more. For some reason it can't just be advertised as a tasty and reasonably healthy snack, instead it has to have some sort of seemingly impossible power. They all seem to have some wonderful bacteria inside or no fat or can stop you feeling bloated. I remember one advert claiming that eating their yoghurt for two weeks will stop you feeling bloated. If anybody really believed that eating those for two weeks stops you feeling bloated then you are an official buffoon. The passage of 14 days is what stops you feeling bloated. I rarely feel anything 2 weeks solid.

In summary, a fool and his money are easily parted. Don't be a fool.

Books.

Sometimes you just want to escape for a while and forget about things, or you might just want to relax, or be entertained. Here are some books that I'd highly recommend.

Any of the Sherlock Holmes books by Sir Arthur Conan Doyle are brilliant. I would advise you to read them chronologically as it only serves to enhance the reading experience. Even if crime and mystery isn't your thing you can't fail to appreciate how clever these stories are.

The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-Time by Mark Haddon is an excellent read. Not something you can read over and over, but most definitely worth reading.

The Count of Monte Cristo and The Three Musketeers, both by Alexandre Dumas. They are both fantastic stories, but neither of them are short books and I wouldn't describe them as easy reads. Well worth the effort though.

The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy series by Douglas Adams is brilliant. Clever, funny, thought-provoking, imaginative and sometimes true, these books are certainly 'must reads'.

Enjoy!

Cuts cuts cuts.

I was going to try and write about the spending review and the cuts within it but I gave up. It is all way too complicated and boring and we'd be here all day. So instead I'll just say that overall it looks pretty bleak and the chancellor is essentially evil.

There's my summary, I'm now off to cry.

Wimbledon!

The tennis tournament kicked off this week and I have to say, I'm bored. I can't understand why a sport that isn't particularly entertaining or even that popular or talked about in most parts of the world suddenly receives so much coverage. I can understand that Wimbledon is important if you're a tennis fan, but why does it have to completely take over the BBC?

Luckily it is quite nice outside today so I think I'll go out. Goodbye.

BBC Sport.

The BBC news channel now features a dedicated sports centre. Unfortunately it is a massive waste of money. An entire studio devoted to a 5 minute (at most) sports bulletin is certainly unnecessary. The same level of information could be achieved by the usual newsreader continuing to read off the autocue.

Not only is all of this vastly over-the-top, it is also mostly useless. The majority of the time is devoted to football and even then it is usually just one or two stories from top flight football. Pretty useless if you support one of the many teams outside of the Premier League. Most of the other sports stories are generally more middle class sports, such as tennis or rugby union, or just simply one of the few sporting events that the BBC actually has the rights to any more. Cricket is only ever covered if there in an international match, despite excellent, competitive games going on between counties throughout the summer. Even when cricket is mentioned it is only fleetingly. Often the batting side's score is announce and how many wickets down they are (98 for 2, for example), but this isn't enough. In limited overs cricket you really need to know how many overs have been bowled. If a team is 98 for 2 after 19 overs of a Twenty20 match then that isn't a particularly good score, even if they have only lost two wickets. However if a team is 98 for 2 after 15 overs of a Twenty20 match then you'd expect them to get a good score.

Outside of the top level of the top sports there is barely anything reported, which really makes you wonder what all of these people at the BBC's sports centre are doing. Most of the presenters only know anything about one sport. Often names are pronounced incorrectly or they simply don't know what they are talking about.

I'm all for the BBC having a dedicated sports centre, but use it properly. A big studio for 5 minutes of football news just doesn't seem worth it to me.

Hay Fever.

Many people suffer from Hay Fever and it is very annoying, especially when the weather outside is lovely and sunny. As I'm short on time today, here are a few tips to help you cope.

Use prescription medicine, it is usually better than shop bought stuff.

Wear sunglasses.

Wash your hands and face regularly.

Eat some local honey.

Try not to think about it.

Summer is officially here!

As the Google Doodle accurately informs me, today is the summer solstice, the longest day of the year. Today is the official start of summer, although the weather outside may suggest otherwise. Regardless of the weather this time of year we should all be out doing thing, after all, there is no such thing as bad weather, just the wrong clothes. I could try and give you some fun outdoors things to do, but lets face it, there are far too many. Instead here are some good summer songs that can hopefully form your summer soundtrack this year.

Here Comes the Sun - The Beatles

Seems like a good song to start with. Hopefully we will actually see some sun here in the U.K this year.

In the Summertime - Mungo Jerry

An obvious choice but it is probably the classic summer song. Doesn't really matter where you are, as long as the sun is out this song sounds great. Shaggy also covered this song quite successfully.

All Summer Long - Kid Rock

Another obvious choice (it's got Summer in the title) but it is a good summer song. Most of the music is taken from Sweet Home Alabama, which is another good song and wouldn't be a bad choice for your summer soundtrack.

Summer Breeze - The Isley Brothers

This will be the last one with summer in the title I promise. Perfect song to listen to if you're sat outside in the sun, with a gentle summer breeze. Obviously.

Brimful of Asha - Cornershop

I've featured this song before but that is simply because it is so good. It sounds especially great in summer. Enjoy.

Brown Eyed Girl - Van Morrison

Last but not least, this really is a fantastic song. A good tapping beat and very good driving song on a hot summer's day.

Well there you go, just a few songs there. I could've included plenty of Beach Boys' songs as well as Love Generation by Bob Sinclair and some others, but the ones I've mentioned are probably my favourites. Have a good summer everyone.

A recipe.

Well, I've never wrote a recipe before and no doubt this one will probably be terrible. And my last. Ah well, here we go.

Peel enough potatoes so you can make a decent amount a mash for yourself. Boil the potatoes, add a bit of butter and a splash of milk and mash them.

While the potatoes are boiling get an egg, maybe two. (Depends how big they are/how much you like egg)

Scramble the eggs. Do it how you usually do. Or you can put them in a bowl, put them in the microwave for a minute at a time and whisk them up until they're how you like 'em.

Put some baked beans in a pan (Heinz are best, I don't know why, they just are) and heat them up.

Now if everything looks edible and nothing is on fire, mix the mash potato, beans and scrambled eggs together in a bowl and eat.

Use a spoon.

I call it eggs, potato and beans.

(Recipes are hard. This post inspired by hunger)

World Sauntering Day.

With all of the depressing or worrying stories in the news lately I think it is worthwhile reminding everyone that today is World Sauntering Day. So take it nice and easy and appreciate the world around you. I'm celebrating the occasion by not writing any more today.

The Apprentice and Barry Scott.

I can't tell if the Cillit Bang adverts and the BBC's The Apprentice are serious or not. Are they tongue-in-cheek, just for entertainment or are they actually genuine.

First off, Cillit Bang is so over-the-top that you'd think it can't be serious. At the same time however it isn't quite ludicrous enough to make me sure. The adverts are fronted by Barry Scott, who isn't actually a real person and is in fact an effusive character played by Neil Burgess. What I can't figure out is whether or not the advert as a whole is taking itself seriously. Using Scott would make you think that it is either tongue-in-cheek or they can't afford anyone better. Cillit Bang don't look classy enough to have an M&S style advert, but equally they can afford prime advertisement slots. I just can't figure it out. If someone from Cillit Bang, or Barry Scott, sorry Neil Burgess, can let me know then that'd be greatly appreciated.

Secondly and perhaps more importantly is whether or not The Apprentice is actually a serious program. It receives a prime-time slot on the BBC as well as coverage on other shows and ever sometimes on the news. The 'judges' are also all people with genuine business backgrounds, even if Alan Sugar isn't all that great. The overall appearance and advertising of the show, combined with the stuff I just said does make the show seem serious. Where this serious front falls down however is the contestants. They're thick. They're thick but think they're god's gift to mankind. Are these people really worthy of the apprenticeship prize? It seems that wearing a suit, having a blackberry and an expensive haircut are all you need to be a businessman/woman. Oh and you have to be a t**t. If these are the best the business world has to offer then no bloody wonder the economy collapsed.

Are they both serious? Answers on a postcard. (by which I mean leave a comment in the comments box below)

Happy Father's Day.

It isn't really a proper day, more like a day invented by card companies to make a bit more money, but ah well. Have a good day dads.

It's Global Wind Day!

Fortunately/unfortunately (depending on your perspective) it is nothing to do with flatulence and is in fact a celebration of wind.

There are plenty of uses for wind so go and find something you enjoy. If it isn't windy then find out about how useful wind can be. Here are some useful websites.

How to celebrate Global Wind Day

Global Wind Day

The European Wind Energy Association

Anyway, I'm off to enjoy the sunshine and pleasant cooling breeze.

The News.

You'd think that rolling news would be very informative and, as a result, very useful. Unfortunately I don't think this is the case. Regardless of how much news there is the information is just repeated on a 20 minute cycle. Surely news channels should be giving us more information if they are broadcasting 24/7.

Watching the news today you'd probably hear about Syria. You'd also hear about how the USA are providing arms to the rebels. I am trying to form an opinion on all of the news stories coming out of Syria but the news doesn't really help. I know things are never black and white and it won't be as simple as good guys vs bad guys, but I personally have no idea why all of this is going on. I know that it is going on and that people are dying, but as to why I haven't a clue. Can't the news tell me this? I'm bombarded with names of leaders and groups but I don't know what they stand for or their past or sometimes who on earth they are.

The other issue is that I never know how detailed or accurate the reporting is. I've never been to these countries so I have very little idea of their media culture. For all I know the reporting could be incredibly biased, either deliberately or accidentally.

In summary, WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON?!

Google, pay your taxes.

C'mon now, you're rich enough, just pay it.

The North-South Divide.

I don't know how aware people from outside of England are about this, but there is a clear divide between the north and south. The government are always quick to deny this as it doesn't reflect well on them, but there is so much evidence of a divide.

Yesterday a map showing areas with the highest amounts of early deaths was published along with the relative figures. This map shows a very obvious divide between north and south, with the north being far worse off. I understand that attitudes in the north are different to the south and that that may have some effect, but this does not explain everything. There are many socio-economic factors at play here. A big factor is that spending has been cut harshly in the north right across the board, meaning that councils have less money to educate people on living healthily.

Transport is another area where there is a divide. Londoners have around £2700 spent per head on transport whereas those in the north-east have £5. Generally, the further north you head the less is spent per head on transport.

The majority of applicants to the two best universities (Oxford and Cambridge) are from the south. Although the universities are based down south so that will have some effect.

GCSE results are generally better in the south than the north, which naturally questions teaching standards and budgets.

A key figure is unemployment. Recently hiring has increased in the south while lay offs have increased in the north, at around four times the rate in the south.

So us northerners won't be educated, can't get from A to B, can't get a job and will die early, but don't worry, the government say we're all in it together.

Can someone pay me to do this?

I need money, for a car. Well actually I can afford a car, but not the insurance. Basically, can someone pay me to write? I know this blog isn't very good, but I do at least churn out about a post a day, with punctuation and everything.

Now I know that that isn't going to happen, but does anybody have any job tips? 

(this is a very desperate attempt to get someone to comment and get money)

(it won't work)

Yeehaw! It's a news roundup.

You know how this works by now.

Morality isn't dead

The man who leaked details of US spying habits has revealed himself to be Edward Snowden. He says his reasons for leaking the information he did were because he felt it was immoral. Good on you Mr Snowden for risking so much to try and protect people's freedom. Unfortunately he now risks prosecution in the United States, so he is seeking asylum. I hope he finds it.

The worst terrorists in the world

Six men were sentenced today for plotting to bomb and English Defence League Rally. These were the same men who had previously attempted to bomb a rally, but turned up late, finding that everyone had packed up and gone home. The reason why this time they were caught is because they hadn't insured their car and were pulled over by police. I'm not a terrorist but I imagine Avoid the Police is somewhere near Rule No.1 in the Big Book of Terrorism. I would also like to point out that I am in no way whatsoever defending the EDL, I just don't think exploding them would do much good. This whole story wouldn't have happened if there weren't racists groups like the EDL. Unfortunately some Islamic idiots wanted to harm some white, British idiots. Don't tar people with the same brush.

Nelson Mandela

Sadly Nelson Mandela is in hospital again and his condition is described as serious but stable. I, like millions of other people I'm sure, sincerely hope he pulls through. I think you'll have to wait a long time to find a tougher, more resilient or more inspiring man than Nelson Mandela. Get well soon.

Briefly, Britain's Got Talent.

I haven't watched this series of Britain's Got Talent because I not find it boring. It used to be okay for a laugh of some light entertainment but it has just gone on too long. I did however catch some of the final.

The highlight for me was the egg thrower. I won't go into detail but the way she stood there lobbing eggs at Simon Cowell, with a huge grin across her face, as though she was showering him with rose petals was hilarious. As for the act going on behind her, well it was mediocre at best. They weren't bad singers but they weren't that great. The comedian wasn't very funny, but for a 14 year old I suppose he is pretty good and much braver than me. Especially when you consider that he has cerebral palsy, although if he wasn't disabled then I'm not entirely sure he would've got so far in the competition.

The puzzling thing for me though is that the winners were Hungarian. I thought it was Britain's Got Talent? Don't get me wrong, I think we should celebrate our cultural diversity, but surely by them winning it it proves that Britain hasn't got talent.

Ah well, I wonder when Hungary's Got Talent starts?

BBC Question Time.

I occasionally watch Question Time on BBC One, but every time I do I think that it is a complete waste of money and is very boring. This isn't because I find politics completely dull or think that there isn't a need for political debate, because there is.

The problem I have is that there is no political debate on Question Time. For me a debate is a useful argument. In a debate if somebody makes a statement that you disagree with then you should deconstruct what the person has said and explain why you think they are wrong and what in your view is the correct way of doing something. Instead on Question Time each person on the panel simply offers a contradictory statement to the other. They don't debate at all. The Tory politician will just stick to the the Tory rhetoric, the Labour politician will stick to the Labour rhetoric, the Lib-Dem politician will stick to the Lib-Dem Tory rhetoric and so on. None of the panellists are willing to change their opinions or points of view. Therefore no matter how long the show goes on for, no progress will be made.

Another issue with the show I have, aside from all of the aforementioned making it very dull, is the audience. The typical audience seems to consist of a bigot, an angry person, a posh person, a moron, a bumbling person and only one person who can actually articulate a reasonable question or statement that reflects most normal people's views.

On the whole, it isn't just Question Time that fails to provide any political debate, this is just the mainstream example. In fact if you watch almost any political show or even BBC Parliament, there is no debate at all. The whole political attitude is wrong. In the House of Commons all they ever do is shout and jeer. Is it any wonder hardly anyone votes any more?

Complex things.

As a general rule, people are idiots. That is why whenever people are confronted with something so complex that they can't comprehend, they make things up. I'm pretty sure this is why there is religion. Religions have arisen to explain the enormously complex planet that we live on and what happens once we stop living on it. For example, try and imagine being dead. It is impossible, we simply can't comprehend it. You'd have no feeling, no sensations, no memory and no thoughts. We just can't imagine what it would be like. This scares some people, because let's be honest, unknown things can be scary. That is why people have invented the afterlife, so they can imagine what it is like to be dead, even if it isn't true, it is comforting. There are other aspects of religion that have been invented, because the scientific answer or reasoning is too complex for people to comprehend. Evolution is pretty complicated so for convenience people have invented creationism.

Religion isn't the only example of people making things up when things become complex. There are many superstitions and habits that people do, just because something good happened the last time they did it, or something bad happened when they didn't do it. There is a fine line between superstition and doing something for a reason. For example, washing your hands before performing surgery is something that every surgeon does, but not through superstition. Finding a four leaf clover is considered lucky, but it isn't, they are just uncommon, so this is clearly superstition. However if you do something superstitious often enough so it becomes a habit, it can actually have a positive effect on you. For example if you are getting kitted up for a sports match and get dressed in an order unusual to you then you might feel uncomfortable and not play as well. It is really just what your brain associates with said superstition.

Most superstitions come about because of coincidence. There are so many things going on at the same time across this vast planet that there are bound to be coincidences. Often these coincidences are mistaken as something mystical and become superstition.

So sorry, but those lucky pants you have aren't really lucky, it was just a coincidence.

Mammoths.

In the vast frozen lands of Siberia, the remains of Mammoths have been discovered. For paleontologists these are fantastic finds, especially the recent find of a Mammoth with flowing blood (still dead, the blood just hadn't dried). Scientists can use these discoveries to find out more about these magnificent creatures as well as the ice age habitat they lived and ultimately died in. There is even talk of cloning these giants and maybe in the not too distant future we will see Mammoths in zoos.

What I want to know however, is what they taste like. Everyone knows that early man hunted and ate Mammoths and now they are quite clearly extinct. So, were Mammoths delicious? We have wiped out entire species just for food before; the flightless (and evidently scrumptious) Dodo being the most obvious example. If we clone large animals with ease in the future then maybe that will ease food stresses across the world. I would really like to try a Mammoth steak. Don't get me wrong, I don't think we should clone one Mammoth, eat it and say 'job done', we should try and clone enough for a breeding, captive population, if we can. If I'm totally honest I'm curious as to what Panda tastes like, but I'm not going to try and eat one, they're far too endangered.

Call me a monster, but it is just a healthy curiosity. Also at the time of writing I'm really rather hungry. Anyway, I hope we clone Mammoths and I won't eat one unless they become plentiful. Provided we don't run out a sausages any time soon.

If.

If you can keep your head when all about you
Are losing theirs and blaming it on you,
If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you,
But make allowance for their doubting too;
If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,
Or being lied about, don't deal in lies,
Or being hated, don't give way to hating,
And yet don't look too good, nor talk too wise:

If you can dream - and not make dreams your master;
If you can think - and not make thoughts your aim;
If you can meet with Triumph and Disaster
And treat those two impostors just the same;
If you can bear to hear the truth you've spoken
Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,
Or watch the things you gave your life to, broken,
And stoop and build 'em up with worn-out tools:

If you can make one heap of all your winnings
And risk it on one turn of pitch-and-toss,
And lose, and start again at your beginnings
And never breathe a word about your loss;
If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew
To serve your turn long after they are gone,
And so hold on when there is nothing in you
Except the Will which says to them: 'Hold on!'

If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,
Or walk with Kings - nor lose the common touch,
If neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you,
If all men count with you, but none too much;
If you can fill the unforgiving minute
With sixty seconds' worth of distance run,
Yours is the Earth and everything that's in it,
And - which is more - you'll be a Man, my son!

Rudyard Kipling

Live by these words.

Australia with Simon Reeve.

I am incredibly jealous of Simon Reeve. He has a fantastic job; travelling the world and getting paid for it. Granted he does have to write and present television shows, but that is a pretty small price to pay for seeing some amazing places. I have nothing against Simon Reeve, I actually quite like him, I just wish I had a job like his. His latest series, Australia with Simon Reeve was excellent, as were the other series he presented. If you have some spare time I urge you to watch them (they should be on BBC iPlayer or YouTube somewhere).

Now moving on to Australia itself, it seems like the country is going through an important period. Australia is going through a resources boom which will, inevitably, end at some point. Once this does end what will the impacts be? If Australia can get it right and not pollute too much or become too dependant on natural resources then surely the rest of the world can learn how to be more sustainable in the future. Australia could be a good barometer for the entire planet. We might be doomed in so many ways, but if we can fix things in Australia then maybe there is hope for the rest of us. Good luck Aussies.

Busy day.

Sorry for the lack of posting lately, but I've been quite busy. Not only that, but the sun has been shining and it is the weekend, so we all have better things to do. Enjoy your Sunday everyone.

About yesterday and also some things to watch.

Apologies for not posting anything yesterday, but other things got in the way. Namely, my internet provider failing like an octopus on a driving test. Anyway, I'm back now. I could talk about World No Tobacco Day, but it'd be boring, we all know smoking is bad for your health. Instead I'm just going to go through a few of my favourite things that I have on DVD and watch frequently.

Futurama

It is brilliant. I think I've watched every episode several times and every time they are still funny. I have no idea why this show has been cancelled twice, especially when you think about how many awful shows have got so many series.

Not Going Out

I have no idea how well known this is outside of the UK, but Lee Mack's sitcom is very funny. Clever and witty with plenty of one liners and visual gags, but I'm not sure how well it would be received outside of Britain.

Father Ted

Totally and utterly brilliant. It is set in Ireland on a fictional island called Craggy Island (I am well aware how many times island was mentioned in that sentence, sorry) and revolves around the inhabitants of the parochial   house (3 priests and a housekeeper). It isn't your typical sitcom and the way I described it doesn't make it sound anywhere near as good as it is. I honestly don't think I will ever tire of watching it.

They are my top three, not necessarily in that order. Now go and watch them and tell me what you think.

Earthquake! Somebody call a geologist!

A small earthquake hit just off the coast of North Wales today, registering 3.8 on the Richter scale. Not massive news, but newsworthy nonetheless.

Now usually when there is an earthquake in Britain, is makes the news, not because it is a disaster, but because it is a curiosity. Generally speaking, a news person will interview somebody from the British Geological Survey or some such organisation and ask them a fairly standard set of questions. Usually they'll ask how big it was, possibly in relation to other earthquakes and the usual reply will be 'not very'. The thing that always puzzles me however, is that nobody every explains why they happen. They explain that earthquakes occur along tectonic plate boundaries, because the plates are moving and can rub along, against, above or below each other. But Britain isn't near any plate boundaries. To be fair to the news, this is usually explained, but my issue is that they don't go any further. Why do they never ask why this exact earthquake has happened at the exact point that it did?

I have come up with a few theories based on my limited knowledge of plate tectonics. My first theory is that there are earthquake hotspots, much like the volcano hotspot theory, but for earthquakes. Essentially there is a weaker or thinner spot in the plate which means that waves of energy moving through the plates have a greater effect as they move through this spot. The other possibility is that there are certain points where there are cracks in the plates and as the plate moves the cracks are opened and then pushed back together again. My final dubious theory is that certain points under the plates, in the magma's convection currents, are hotter than others, causing the hot magma to rise more quickly than that surrounding it and almost bubble up into the underside of the tectonic plate, causing an earthquake.

In summary, I don't completely know what I'm talking about, but I'm not sure geologists have much of a better understanding. I'll be happy to be proved right or wrong, I just want an answer. Comments in the box below please geologists. Thanks.

Help!

This is a long shot, but does anybody know the piece of classical music that was playing for a few seconds during Bargain Hunt on BBC One today? It sounds like part of it is on either a xylophone or a glockenspiel. Answers in the comments box please. Thanks.

Things I don't understand. Volume 4.

Yes, there's more.

1. Why don't more places sell toast?

Toast is cheap, tasty, quite good for you, releases energy slowly and can have a variety of toppings. Why aren't there many places you can buy toast? Surely there is a profit to be made, bread isn't exactly pricey and  you could probably power a toaster fairly cheaply and easily.

2. Egyptian writing

I do not understand Egyptian writing.

3. Talent competitions

Since when did being the best singer or the best cook out of the people who turned up to audition become so important? Talent shows now have got way to self important. Presenters and judges make it out like it is fantastically important to everyone, but it isn't. When did light entertainment become more important than debating the future of the health service or education? People are idiots.

4. This theory I have devised

I don't really understand my own theory in that I don't know if it is possible (answers in the comments box please). Now, if something was travelling at x miles per hour towards a wall and was slowing down by half x miles per hour as the distance between it and the wall halved, would it ever touch? Because you can't half something and get zero. The object would always be moving closer to the wall and always getting slower, but never stop and never hit.

5. David Bowie

I just don't understand why he is as popular as he is. To me he is just very overrated and weird. Some would say genius, but I'm going to stick with weird.

That's all for now. Until next time.

Towel Day!

Finally, it has arrived. Towel Day is a day to celebrate the wonderful works of Douglas Adams and also to celebrate how amazing towels are. I can't really explain to you just how brilliant Douglas Adams' books are, so go and read them. What I can do though, is explain to you how fantastic towels are. Towels are cheap, last a long time and are unbelievably useful. Towels can be used:

To dry things off.

To keep something damp and cool.

To keep the sun off you.

To lie on.

To clean yourself.

To hold an amount of liquid.

To strangle someone.

To whip or hit someone.

To carry things.

To filter air or liquid.

To stop you from breathing in harmful gases or things in the air.

As a windbreak.

As a sail.

To waft gasses.

As a curtain.

To attract attention.

To help make smoke signals.

As a hammock.

As a pillow.

To put out a fire.

To write a message on.

To hide behind or underneath.

As a tribute to Douglas Adams.

Now, remember where you towel is and go and read something by Douglas Adams, the amazingness of towels is just the beginning.

A look at today's news *SPOILERS* (as in it might spoil your day).

Checking the main news websites for inspiration on what to post about today has been a bad idea. It has given me something to write about but bloody hell, it is depressing. 

Children are watching porn, making sex education lessons in school almost impossible. A British Airways plane engine set on fire. The UK was just 6 hours away from running out of gas. People have been arrested over tweets and the BBC have wasted £100 million on a scrapped IT project. 

On the plus side, it is quite sunny. In fact, it is a really nice day where I am. And all of these terrible things that have happened don't really affect me, so why should I, or anybody else really be depressed because of the news. The news is always biased towards bad news. Any good news stories tend to be pushed out of the way. Bad news is easier to sell than good news, so even stories that aren't really that bad are made out to be much worse on the news. In reality here is some of today's news.

A British Airways plane engine set on fire during flight, but thanks to the qualified pilot the aircraft was landed safely, with nobody injured or killed. Well done pilot. 

The BBC have spent £100 million on a project that has unfortunately not worked. The ambitious and commendable aim of the project was to create a digital archive. Hopefully this project will lead to further improved and ultimately successful projects that create a full digital archive, something which would be very useful and enable future generations to look back on.

Amidst the devastation of the Oklahoma tornado a baby boy was boy.

All in all, it is very, very easy to get depressed about what is going on in the world. But if things were really as bad as the news makes it out to be then I think we would all have been killed in a terror attack or a natural disaster or by food or something by now. Go and read a book or look out of the window or listen to bird song, don't bother watching the news, they don't report on the things that might kill us all anyway. 

World Turtle Day.

On a similar note to the last post, today is World Turtle Day; a day to highlight the issues facing turtles and tortoises. I could write more, but it is pretty obvious that we should be helping these creatures, seeing as we have destroyed much of their habitats and inadvertently killed many of them. Instead of writing about that, just enjoy some photos and videos or turtles and tortoises and remember how amazing they are. 

Baby Turtles

Turtles

Tortoises

Stop killing everything!

We are so screwed. I've already done a post about how doomed we are, but now a report is out showing how we a destroying the living things around us. The UK Wildlife Stocktake shows that 60% of species have declined in the past 50 years and that 1 in 10 could disappear all together. Turtle Doves, Hedgehogs, Butterflies, Moths, Bees, plants and trees have all suffered significant declines. At what point to we stop just killing things and destroying habitat and poisoning land and water? There is now only one Bastard Gumwood tree left in the world. One. One tree away from another species being wiped out and lost for ever. The BBC have a useful, but frankly terrifying break down of some parts of the report.

Now, I could go on about how bad the situation is, but in reality that probably won't do much good. Not all of the problems are man-made, but the majority are. So, rather than bang on about it, here are some ways you can help and make a difference.

There are many different conservation organisations in Britain that you can help or learn from, or learn more about or even volunteer at. There is DEFRA, the Environment Agency, Natural England, the RSPB, The Wildlife Trusts, The Woodland Trust and many, many more. 

Even if you're too lazy to look at any of those websites for some things to do to help, you can always just throw some food out for the birds. 

Basically, the simple version is, STOP KILLING EVERYTHING!

Oklahoma tornado.

I'm sure you've already heard about the devastating tornado that has hit the town of Moore in Oklahoma. I sincerely hope that more people are found alive and that the town can rebuild quickly, both physically and emotionally. For those of you who might be praying for the people effected, don't bother, praying is just to make you feel like you're helping when you're not. If you want to help then donate money to a relevant charity.

One thing that surprised me as a Brit, is how much devastation was caused by the tornado. Obviously I expected destruction, but I honestly thought that a rich country like the USA, in an area known for tornadoes would have mitigated better in terms of the infrastructure. I know this was an exceptional storm and people didn't have much time to do anything other than run for shelter, but surely more should be done to mitigate against further disasters? I'm sure people are educated on what to do in the event of a hurricane but more education on the matter can't go wrong. Perhaps more advanced warning systems should be put in place? Perhaps build a community tornado shelter underground? Maybe the houses and and other structures could be built to better withstand extremely high winds? Would it be possible to alter the houses just before a storm hits to make them more aerodynamic and less likely to blow over to one side? I'm clearly not an expert on this (or any other matter) but common sense shows that more should be done.

I think we can all agree that we don't want disasters like this happening to anyone, anywhere, at any time.

Good luck Oklahoma.

The seas.

I've probably gone too big with this topic. The seas are really really big. Therefore, this post will probably be a ramble about a few topics that are to do with the sea.

Something that keeps cropping up is overfishing. There are so many billions of people consuming fish and most of them have no idea where the fish has come from or how it has got to their plate. They also don't care. We need to stop overfishing our seas, because once fish numbers drop below a certain level, they won't recover. We are in danger of wiping out species, which is terrible for the environment and ecology, but also terrible because they are delicious. Surely we should be able to farm fish more sustainably by now? We've been farming sheep and cows for hundreds of years, surely we can do that with some species of fish at least? Even if this isn't feasible then we still have to do something. We should eat a wider variety of fish, so that only a smaller percentage of each species is taken from the ocean. We could also eat less fish and eat more vegetables that we grow ourselves. We could just eat less altogether, there is an obesity crisis after all. No matter what we do, we are going to run out of resources eventually, so perhaps as well as stopping eating we should also stop breeding quite so much. Leave the breeding to the fish.

Another aspect of the sea is how bloody deep it is. You can drop 13 of the world's tallest building into some part of the ocean and still drown if you were stood on the top. Other than the obvious logistical issues surrounding it, why aren't we exploring this area? Apparently we know more about the surface of the moon than we know about the deep sea (that said, there doesn't seem to be anything really interesting about the surface of the moon. Looks like just dust). We know about the ugly and amazing creatures that live down there, but there must be thousands more species, just waiting to be discovered. There could be other things down there that we can't even imagine. There might be cures for diseases, or mermaids, or Atlantis, although the latter two might be quite unlikely. My point still stands however. What if NASA, instead of going into space, used all that money and technology to explore the vast areas of our own planet that we know sod all about.

Finally, the sea is beautiful, from about and below. Let's keep it that way.

Eurovision.

I didn't post yesterday because I was too busy and tired. I did manage to watch the latter half of The Eurovision Song Contest. The contest is really strange in many ways. There is plenty of music from artists all around the world, yet we in Europe decide to have a contest to see who can have the best song. None of the songs are any good really. It is like choosing the nicest smelling poo. If you actually take music and singing and dancing out of the contest then it is actually quite nice. It isn't often Europe comes together, despite most countries being members of the European Union. Sweden did a good job of hosting it, although it must have cost a fortune. On the topic of cost, it is a good thing Greece didn't win because I seriously doubt they could afford to host it. It would've just been a bloke called Stavros stood in a shed playing the songs on YouTube. 

Generally speaking, Eurovision probably is a good thing. At the end of the day, it is just a bit of fun, although I've only ever watched Eurovision in Britain, so I don't know how seriously other countries take it. I like to think that during Eurovision, ordinary people from across Europe just have some fun and a good laugh while watching Eurovision, not taking it seriously and using it as an excuse to drink and have a bit of a party. 

The European economy may be doomed, but at least we can all be doomed together. 

Yeehaw! It's yet another news roundup.

If you've read the others you know how this goes.

The Fire Service

The government have commissioned a review that says the Fire Service needs to be made more efficient and effective. Whilst nobody would have complaints about making important services more efficient and affective, the report the government have released contradicts itself. The report says incidents are down 40% over the past 10 years, which would in fact suggest that the Fire Service is being very effective in preventing fires. It is also more efficient to prevent fires than to let them happen and then put them out. In this respect it wouldn't seem that the Fire Service needs reforming. The other argument offered is that although the amount of incidents are down 40% the number of firefighters (who do a brilliant job) is still roughly the same. The population is increasing and urban areas are expanding, so the Fire Service has shown that it is being more efficient if it can deal with today's demand using roughly the same amount of staff as it did 10 years ago. In reality there are probably aspects of the Fire Service which could be improved upon, but this report today is just an excuse for the government to continue with their cuts to vital services.

Nigel Farage

Well done Scotland for not being bigots like many voters in England who voted UKIP. Farage (UKIP leader) is visiting Scotland and on Thursday was hounded by protesters who were calling him a bigot and a racist, which he is. Farage has since hung up during an interview with the BBC, attacked people in favour of Scottish independence and labelled the protesters as fascists in a mind-bendingly ironic statement. What a pillock.

Gay Marriage

The gay marriage debate still rumbles on in the UK, but I really have no idea why. If two men, or two women are in love with each other why can't they get married? If it is against your religion so what? People support the England football team but they don't stop people supporting the country that they're from, they just support their side and let everyone else do the same. Just let people be, it isn't doing any harm.

There are some other stories, but they are obvious things we already knew, like that there are too many nuisance telephone calls and that disability benefit assessments are unfair, so I won't bother talking about them. Bye for now.

Just a quick one.

Very much pressed for time, so I'm just referring you to YouTube. Do a search for Vsauce, Science Bob and Chris Hadfield. Some really good sciencey videos for you to enjoy.

Trains.

As it is the 150th birthday of Frank Hornby, best known for inventing Hornby Model Railways (he also had a moustache), I thought I'd do a post about trains. Unfortunately I don't know an awful lot about trains. I know how steam engines work, but explaining that would just be boring. As a result of my limited knowledge this post will probably just be a rambled mash up of dubious train related facts and opinions. So be warned.

Steam engines are in many ways better than diesel engines. A steam train looks better by far, both when moving and just staying still. It also sounds better. The loud, rhythmic clacking sound of a steam train as it thunders through the countryside sounds infinitely better than the whirr of a diesel or electric train. Steam trains, although slower, also seem far more powerful. The speed of the pistons, the fire, the steam, the smoke, the muck, the sheer size and the fact it takes two people working hard to operate make it seem more powerful as it tears along the tracks. They are more romantic too. The atmosphere at a steamy railway platform has featured in more films than the beeping and warning of electric doors closing. In fact, most things associated with steam locomotion seems better than modern rail. I am aware that modern rail is cheaper, faster and more efficient, but it lacks charm. The conductor telling people what train it is is better than staring at an electronic sign with yellow lettering. You also got a warning off a conductor when he shouted 'all aboard' and waved his flag, but not any more. Even the smell of steam is better then the smell of diesel.

Honestly, if steam trains were as cheap, efficient and quick as their modern day counterparts, wouldn't we all prefer steam?

European Uni-in or out? (Worst title pun yet?)

The conservative government is arguing as to whether or not the UK should remain in the European Union or not. How this argument has gone on for so long is amazing. Surely we have to stay in the EU? We have already adopted lots of EU law, rules and regulations which we would have to replace ourselves at a cost. The UK does most of its trading within the EU so leaving it now, when we desperately need to be importing and exporting would be plain stupid. 

UKIP and other moronic groups are campaigning to leave the EU over immigration. The truth is, there has always been immigration to this country and at no point have I ever felt threatened or worried by this. The United Kingdom needs immigrants and the cultural diversity that immigrants bring to Britain should be celebrated. Would you really want a nation full of Nigel Farages?

The other topic regarding the EU debate is whether or not to have a referendum. Asking the people to decide whether or not we should stay in the EU is a terrible idea, for two main reasons. The first reason is that people are stupid. The second reason is that you'd be asking the same people who voted for this government what to do. 

The United Kingdom should stay in the European Union, end of debate: European Uni-in.

Moustaches.

Moustaches clearly equal greatness, or power at least. This isn't just a wild claim, I do have things to back this up.

Charlie Chaplin is one of the most legendary film stars, and he had a moustache. Granted, Hitler also had a similar moustache and he wasn't so great, but he did manage to become the leader of Germany. Again, Stalin, not exactly the gentlest of leaders, but he was the leader of a powerful nation nonetheless. Che Guevara is another example of moustache power.

From the late 19th century until 1916 it was practically compulsory for members of the British army to have a moustache. In fact, prior to the 21st century almost every successful military leader had a moustache.

Other greats with moustaches include Salvador Dali, Albert Einstein, Freddie Mercury and Mahatma Gandhi.

Many great fictional characters have moustaches, like Mr Miyagi and Mario.

There are plenty of sporting greats who have sported moustaches. Rugby league player Scott Dureau kicked the longest drop goal of his career...when he had a moustache.

Joining this list of moustachioed legends is the best astronaut ever, Chris Hadfield. His tweets with pictures and videos from the International Space Station have been brilliant.

So, there is you answer to the problems facing the world right now:

More moustaches, more greatness.

Reasons why we're all doomed.

I've tried to be optimistic in my postings lately, but honestly, it is much easier to be miserable. I don't think there could be a much more pessimistic topic to write upon than this. So, here are some reasons why we (humans) are all doomed. Doomed!


Nuclear War

The threat comes and goes as countries go through phrases. At present North Korea would probably be voted 'Most Likely to Cause a Nuclear Holocaust', but it'll be somewhere else someday. No matter who presses the button in the end, it won't matter, we'll all wind up dead. Or at best mutated.

Climate Change

This is quite a broad topic. Climate change might lead to sea level rise, which would flood vast areas of land, either killing or displacing millions of people. Climate change may also cause drought, famine, fires and an increase in global temperatures. All the while we'll just keep on polluting and create our own downfall.

Meteorite Strike

Some people moan when the trains go on strike, well that is nothing compared to a meteorite strike. It is probable that a meteorite killed the dinosaurs and there were lots of them and they were big and scary. What chance do we have? A meteorite could hit us any time now but scientists are too busy making anti-ageing cream instead of building a great big laser to defend us.

Supervolcanoes

In case you can't guess from the name, a supervolcano is a GIGANTIC VOLCANO. Imagine a terrifying volcano. Then imagine that it is as big as Yellowstone National Park, because Yellowstone National Park is a supervolcano and it is due to erupt any time from, well, now. Oh and there is another supervolcano in Iceland that is ready to pop. And by pop I mean explode in such a devastating way that everything in the immediate area would be obliterated, the air would become toxic, the sun would be blocked out and the earth would be plunged into an new ice age.


Overpopulation

Most MEDC's (More Economically Developed Countries) have ageing populations and many LEDC's (Less Economically Developed Countries. Yeah, I know, you could've guessed) have high birth rates. Sooner or later there is just going to be too many people. Actually I think this has already happened, but either way we will end up living beyond our means and the planet will be bankrupt of food and water and space.


The sun f**king explodes

Yes, that's right, the sun might explode. The massive ball of burning chemicals might decide to stop sparking life on this planet and instead destroy it and everything around it in an enormous supernova. Literally nothing we can do about that. Can't run, can't hide. Chance of survival - 0%. But the DFS sale will still be on.

A late night post.

I'm quite late posting today, but better late than never (although I'm sure some people would argue that in my case that isn't true). So, as it is late and dark here and you're unlikely to go outside, here are a few YouTube channels/videos that might help you through the night.

The asdf movie series

BuzzFeed

Epic Rap Battles of History

True Facts

That'll be all for now, it's late, I'm tired and I did say only a few. Leave me alone. I'm not your monkey. Anyway , enjoy.

Change the British national anthem.

God Save the Queen is generally regarded as the national anthem of Britain, but it is terrible. It is dull, uninspiring and doesn't represent Britain at all. Here are some pieces that would be much better choices for the national anthem.

The Wallace & Gromit theme

The Great Escape theme

The Dambusters March

Fantasia on Greensleeves

The Village Green Preservation Society

Monty Python's Flying Circus theme

The Archers theme

Any of the above are far better choices than what we currently have. I hope somebody in government is listening. This is definitely the highest priority.

Classical music.

I know not everyone is a fan of classical music and to be honest, I only like a relatively small selection of pieces. Whilst I'm not a massive fan, I do appreciate the music and when you find a good piece of classic music it is usually really good. Here are some of my favourites.

The Nutcracker, Op. 71: No . 13 Waltz of the Flowers - Tchaikovsky

A brilliant piece from start to finish. Has a wonderful sway to it and you can't help but imagine dancers waltzing to the tune. It is incredibly difficult not to sway some part of you to this and when the finale comes there is a good chance you'll find yourself conducting.

Hungarian Dance No. 5 in G Minor - Brahms

This can sometimes get stuck in your head and has great changes of tempo. Definitely one to play nice and loud. Really loud

First Arabesque - Debussy

A beautiful piano piece with fantastic timing. Debussy may be better known for Claire De Lune, but his First Arabesque is in my opinion just as good, if not better.

Morning - Grieg

It is very rare that a piece of music suits something perfectly, but this masterpiece by Grieg is quite simply wonderful and frankly, listening to it at any other time than the morning seems wrong. Impossible to be angry whilst listening to this.

Radetzky March - Strauss

The best march you'll find. Has a perfect beat and is very good to clap along to. Another one well worth playing loud and that you'll find yourself conducting.

William Tell Overture: Finale - Rossini

Everyone has probably heard it at some point and it is a very popular and well used choice, but that is because it is so brilliant. You might not imagine you're conducting but you might imagine you're riding a horse.

Dambusters March - Eric Coates

This one is probably more for any British readers, but it is still a brilliant march so enjoy it for what it is.

The Planets: Jupiter - The Bringer of Jollity

Another popular piece but bloody hell, it is good. There are several brilliant tunes rolled into one here yet the music flows superbly.

Can Can - Offenbach

If you don't know this then you've been living in a cave, on the moon, with your fingers in your ears, going lalalalalalala and if you don't like it then there is something clinically wrong with you. Go and see a doctor if you don't enjoy this.

There are some fantastic pieces that I haven't put in but they are out there for you to find so go and discover and love them. I simply couldn't finish without this final piece though. Enjoy.

1812 Overture - Tchaikovsky

My hairs stand on end when I listen to the finale to this. If I'm going to die in a car crash or an explosion I want this playing in the background; there is no better way to go. This also backs up my argument that we have already peaked as a species. If aliens landed on the planet I'd show them this because I don't think you could find a better example of music. It has a full brass band, a piccolo, 2 flutes, 2 oboes, an English horn, 2 clarinets, 2 bassoons, 4 horns, 2 cornets, 2 trumpets, 3 trombones, a tuba, a timpani, an orchestral bass drum, a snare drum, cymbals, a tambourine, a triangle, a carillon, first and second violins, violas, vioncellos and double basses and cannons for Christ's sake! So, beat that.

Ferguson retires.

Sir Alex Ferguson has retired. Many people have been shocked by his decision to retire, but at the age of 71 is it really that surprising? He has also won pretty much everything worth winning during his time as Manchester United Manager and leaves the club in a very strong position, as league winners. I probably should mention at this point that I don't know much about football (soccer). I take a casual interest but I don't support a team at any level. I do have soft spots for certain teams and players I like more than others, but I'm not biased like some die hard supporters can be.

No doubt Fergie will have some who love him and some who loath him, but regardless of your opinion, you simply can't deny that he is a fantastic manager and arguably the best ever. His record speaks for itself and sometimes during his managerial career that should have been the only thing talking. He has often been in trouble with the FA for comments over match officials and regularly frustrates journalists at press conferences.

Personally I have to say I quite like Sir Alex. He can sometimes sound like a sore loser, but for the most part he seems to be gracious in defeat. He doesn't do anything dramatic in news conferences and usually answers questions with a straight bat, which is always good in my opinion. His passion for the game and in particular Manchester United is amazing. To do a job for as long as he has is impressive. I think the only things I'll do for as long as 27 years are eat, sleep and breathe.

So, as somebody who doesn't know an awful lot about football and isn't really a football fan, congratulations Sir Alex Ferguson and enjoy life after management.

3D printing.

If you don't know what 3D printing is, then where the hell have you been living? The Dark Ages? Now just in case you've been on a really long holiday, or in a coma, or cut off from civilisation, 3D printing is basically what you'd think it is. A 3D printer creates almost any solid object you tell it too, from a digital model. Unless you're the most difficult to impress person in the world, this is bloody amazing. Potentially we can send items thousands of miles in a digital form and have them created in minutes. I don't like it.

Call me miserable (do it in the comments box, otherwise you're talking to a screen and you'll just look silly), but I can see 3D printing destroying the postal service and lots of shops. I know we'll still need shops for food and really big things, but what about other shops and the post office. Where will all of these things go? What will happen to all of the jobs that these shops and services provide? What will happen to high streets? I am aware that I might be sounding like I'm living in the 1950's, but bear with me. If you were dropped from the sky and landed (somehow surviving) somewhere in the world, then there is a good chance that if you landed in Britain you'd know it. You'd see a red phone box, or a red post box or a newsagents, or a post office, or a Royal Mail van or a recognised brand or shop. What if 3D printing gets rid of all that? We are all getting more and more homogeneous and so are the places we live. The mobile phone is amazing, but has meant that there are very few telephone boxes on the streets any more, not just in Britain, but everywhere. Email is killing off postal services worldwide. What if 3D printers mean no more post offices and fewer shops; things that help define us? We live on a fantastically diverse planet, but at times it feels like it is becoming less so. Not just with species going extinct, but even our own self-made cultural diversity.

Please keep the planet vibrant, don't all go mad for 3D printing.

Enjoy the Bank Holiday.

Sorry, but this won't be a very good or long post, I'm too busy enjoying the day off. The weather has been glorious today, for a change, so I'm not going to be wasting my time indoors. Also, it is International No Diet Day, so eat, drink and be merry.

Things I don't understand. Volume 3.

The third instalment in the ever-growing list of things I don't understand.

1. Churches

If God is everywhere and you can praise him in loads of different ways, why are there churches?

2. The word 'chocoholic'

The word 'alcoholic' comes from 'alcohol', so 'chocoholic' would imply that there is such a thing as 'chocohol', but there isn't. (Please note I am aware of the existence of chocolate and that people are addicted to it).

3. Japanese writing

I do not understand Japanese writing.

4. The popularity of beef

I can't figure out why beef is so popular. It doesn't taste of anything special, it doesn't have a particularly good texture, it isn't environmentally friendly and it isn't cheap. Unless you count corned beef, but that is just terrible. If corned beef was actual beef then you could punch a hole through a cow. Easily.

5. The popularity of tea

I'm not really a tea drinker, but I can see the appeal of tea. I do not however understand why, in Britain especially, it is drank religiously. There are tastier, healthier and more refreshing options.

6. Bankers' bonuses

I know this is an easy target and has been for about 5 years now, but that is partly my point. After 5 years of it, why has barely anything been done? Why aren't people outraged? Stupid people.

That's all for now, more soon.

Just a few ramblings.

The episode of Doctor Who today was better, but there were still some stupid bits. In particular the two irritating children that look like they'll be featuring in the future.

UKIP are idiots. Most people who vote for them are ignorant. I may offend people by saying this, but really, I don't care. Losing bigoted readers who vote UKIP is no great loss.

A big thank you to firefighters everywhere for the brilliant job you do (it is International Firefighters' Day after all)

I hope all Star Wars fans have a good Star Wars Day (May the fourth be with you).

Please no more talent shows on T.V unless it is actually interesting. Please.

Listening to something like Ode To Joy or the 1812 Overture Finale whilst on the toilet will make your bowel movements seem EPIC.

Beef is over-rated.

The problem with British drama.

There is quite a lot of British drama. There are soap operas and sci-fi dramas and historical dramas and other kinds of dramas. Despite the amount of dramas produced, I find very few of them entertaining. After thinking about this for well over 2 minutes I have come to the following conclusion. British dramas aren't realistic.

Now I know dramas are fictional (unless they're docu-dramas) but British dramas aren't realistic, because they overlook one key fact: British people aren't naturally very dramatic. We don't tend to do big gestures to express our emotions, or even shout that often. In dramas things have to be, well, dramatic, but by nature we aren't dramatic. An American drama might have a main character (who hasn't had things go his way) go on a furious rant, drive for miles, get in a car crash with an explosion and end up accidentally killing a lorry driver. If that was British the main character would probably just tut. If us Brits are angry at people then we are either silent about it and keep any feelings firmly pent up, or punch them in the face, utter a two word phrase ending in 'off' then walk away. 

All of this makes it difficult to make a good British drama, because you have to be subtle, really subtle. We aren't outlandish or expressive enough to have explosions and massive gestures in our dramas, because then they just wouldn't be realistic. We also don't talk about things if they could in any possible way make things awkward or cause a confrontation. Without confrontation it is difficult to make things dramatic. When people don't say how they feel it is difficult to write a drama. If a character is furious and displays no more emotion than a shake of the head, it is difficult to make dramatic.

Got to be subtle.

Relaxing music.

Sometimes you need a bit of help relaxing. Maybe there is a bear trying to get you, maybe you've got a test, maybe you've got a phobia of ducks, or maybe you're going slowly insane and need something to drown out the voices in your head, either way some relaxing songs or pieces of music can help. Here is a selection that should calm you down, you crazy person you.

Albatross - Fleetwood Mac

An amazingly relaxing piece of music. Putting this one first may be a bad idea, you might be asleep before you read the rest.

At The River - Groove Armada

A slightly unusual song, but bloody hell it is good. Imagine having your brain rubbed with melted chocolate and you're getting the idea.

Morning - Edvard Grieg

Simply and utterly beautiful. Not going to put you to sleep, but it has to be the best thing to wake up to. Set this as your alarm tone in the morning and its's like your life has an official soundtrack.

Slip Into Something More Comfortable - Kinobe

It would be brilliant if you were on a beach right now (maybe you are, lucky you). The sweeping sounds go through you, in a good way, not like a lance or a bad curry.

Samba Pa Ti - Santana

Much more relaxing than you'd think for something with 'Samba' in the title. Brilliant piece of music from a brilliant musician.

Welcome To My World - Jim Reeves

There are a few different versions of this song, so take your pick, but they're all wonderfully relaxing. The song was used on a Thompson Holiday advert a few years ago to good effect.

There are of course more pieces I could have chosen, but I don't want to put anyone into a coma, so that'll be all for now. Enjoy.

May Day.

The 1st of May is a pretty interesting day. May Day is celebrated in many countries around the world, in various ways. In England for example there is dancing round the May pole and Morris dancing. These are traditional things mind, we don't all do this every May Day.

The other significance of May 1st is that it is International Workers' Day. Now the plight of workers worldwide, past and present, is far too difficult to fit into this blog post and, if I'm honest, there is no way my brain can process that much information and history without suffering a breakdown leading to a killing spree. So as I presume nobody wants that to happen, I'm going to mention the events in Bangladesh.

Clearly what has happened is a tragedy to all of those who have suffered. I can only begin to imagine how they feel. This simply should not have been allowed to happen. The owner of the building was all too happy to allow people to go into work. These workers already worked in poor conditions on extremely low wages. The reason why they are on such low wages is that they were making clothes and fabrics for shops like Primark. The treatment of workers has to change. We are all content to talk about how amazingly advanced our society is and how civilised we all are because we drink coffee and read on Kindles and run business, yet nobody questions how many workers are treated. Attitudes towards the common working man or woman are still stuck in Victorian times. How many more disasters does there have to be before all workers are treated fairly. What is wrong with a fair day's wage for a fair day's work, for all? When did exploitation become acceptable and even in some cases, desirable? When will people stop aspiring to these false ideologies that are put in front of them by governments and businesses? Why is it not enough to be a decent human being and just be happy? When will people realise that trade unions aren't some enemy that are always threatening to go on strike? When will they realise that trade unions are made up of workers, thousands of normal, decent people? When will people realise that being successful in business means nothing if you can't be decent and honest?

When will any of these questions be answered? I don't know, that's for sure.

It's the little things in life.

With everything that is going on in the world (and there is rather a lot) it is easy to forget the little things in life. Here are some of those simple pleasures that we often overlook.

New socks feel amazing, especially if you've been hiking, it's like a foot orgasm.

Towels are fantastically useful.

Pockets. I would be dead if I didn't have pockets. Giving me trousers without pockets would be a form of torture.

Fresh bedding. Enough said.

Putting on warm clothes straight from the radiator when it's cold.

Putting a video into a VCR.

Going to the toilet when you've been dying for a wee.

Reading books, actual books.

A cold glass of water on a hot day.

A warm drink on a cold day.

Potatoes are bloody brilliant.

A ball. Can't even begin to think about the amount of fun I've had with a ball.

Fish and chips by the seaside (possibly the greatest thing ever if you're British).

Feel free to add any that you think should be on the list. Now go on and be happy. Remember how the little things can cheer you up.

International Dance Day!

Go on, boogie on down. There are plenty of dances you can do, even if you can't really dance. Have fun.

Saturday night's TV.

The title of this post is too general if I'm honest. Its really just about The Voice and Doctor Who. I've generally been a fan of Doctor who, not a mad keen, die-hard fan, but a normal 'ooh Doctor Who is back on' kind of fan. This series is, if I'm honest, quite boring. It isn't really progressing anywhere, there aren't any good new monsters and it does not make any sense. I'm spending the entire episode trying to figure out what is going on, instead of just enjoying what is going on. 

My frustration at Doctor Who however is nothing compared to my anger at The Voice. Once you get over the 'ooh look, a rotating chair' novelty (which takes about 10 seconds) then the show becomes incredibly irritating. The hosts over-hype the show. The contestants are mediocre. The audience just applaud like monkeys watching poo being hurled at walls and the judges are very annoying. Jessie J is just there for eye candy. Will.i.am, or William as I will call him because it is his name and is easier to type, thinks he is god's gift to the music industry and is positively hilarious. Danny just isn't that good a musician in the first place and Tom Jones, who I used to like, seems to be turning into a creosoted big head. I watched the first episode of the current series and gave myself a headache through shouting at the television so much. With the X-factor and Britain's Got Talent and other shows like those, it is a wonder that this show has even been commissioned. I don't think we are exactly short of singers. Good singers, yes, but talent show standard singers, no. 

I'm not going to get angry about any of this because it is just television. Nobody is forcing me to watch so I can just switch it off. Which I will. 

Busy day, don't worry, be happy.

I quite enjoy doing this blog (I'd enjoy it more if people commented and things but ah, oh well) but I've been really rather busy today so I'm afraid you'll have to be content with this.

I think I'll do a few more posts on current events and politics etc, some about music and maybe continue some of the series I've been doing, like Yeehaw News Roundups, Things I Don't Understand and Adverts.

One thing I really want to do is to be more cheerful and more positive. There are plenty of bad things out there, and unless I'm warning you to help you, then you don't really need me to point them out. It is the little good things that often go unnoticed, because the news rarely reports them and people rarely talk about them.

Think about the good things, because most of the time you can't do a single thing to stop the bad things from happening anyway. You can make good things happen though. If we can't make each other happy, with all our technology and civilisation and knowledge and wealth and power then what is the point in having all that? We're all going to wind up dead and what use is money or power then? In the mean time be happy and be nice to each other.

When measuring a man's success, don't count money, count happiness.

Economycoaster.

We've already had a double dip recession and we have just about managed to avoid a triple dip recession, which is good news, but still sounds like a part of a roller coaster.

Today it was announced that GDP for the UK had gone up by 0.3% (that may possibly be the most boring sentence I ever write). GDP is basically how much money the country earns. A rise of 0.3% isn't really much, but it is at least a positive, so the government are claiming victory. I don't want to be really negative and doom-monger, but this 0.3% increase over the first part of this year only really cancels out the 0.3% decrease we had at the end of last year.

The really puzzling thing however, is that nobody, including the government, seems to know how this rise has come about. The Tories said they would increase GDP through manufacturing and building, but for the most part the figures for these industries are down. The industries which have been causing an increase in the GDP seem to be service industries, such as hotels and restaurants, which is in some way probably just down to an increase in demand due to an increasing and ageing population.

Overall any positive news seems to be an accident, but it is a happy accident nonetheless. Whatever happens, I don't think I'll ever be saying well done to George Osborne. Unless he resigns. Maybe.

A little help for the UK Government.

If you've been watching BBC news at all then you'll realise that there are some quite serious issues facing the nation. I'm no expert on these things, or anything really, but there do seem to be some common sense solutions to a lot of the problems. Here is a handy guide to get the ball rolling.

Nursing

Now the government decided to cut NHS budgets and services a while ago, which is obviously a bad idea. Now things are getting very serious indeed. Patients are not receiving the level of care that they need. Now this is not the fault of nurses. Nurses do a difficult job for long hours on pay that is far from what they deserve. The problem is that there aren't enough nurses. The government claim that nurses need more training in basic skills like simply dealing with getting patients cleaned and dressed and that this will solve the problem. Nurses aren't stupid, they know how to dress and wash people and look after them. Caring is a much more difficult thing to do than people realise. Nurses are caring for lots of people at the same time so they need more help. Now instead of training already qualified and caring nurses to do things they already know how to do, why not invest in the NHS and provide more nursing staff. Recent surveys show that staff at hospitals think they need more staff. Now if there were more nurses then there would be less people unemployed, so less people on unemployment benefit, people would recover more quickly in hospital and as a result of all of this the economy would be better off, but more importantly people would be healthier and happier.

Food

Over the past year the number of people requiring food banks has doubled. That means that twice as many people are going hungry. In 2013, in a developed country this should not be happening. This problem is more complicated than it seems at first glance. People are needing food banks because they can't afford food. The reason why they can't afford it is because they either can't get a job, or are too busy caring for somebody and they've had their benefits cut. The simple answer to this is to not cut benefits for people who need them and to generate jobs so people can afford food. If these jobs are created by the state then the money will be going back into the economy anyway because people will be spending their wages on essentials.

Cosmetic Surgery

It has become too comericalised, casual and risky to have cosmetic surgery. There are now too many products that could be harmful that people are now willingly injecting into their face. The government alone can not solve this problem, but they really do need to put regulations in place because I think we've all seen what can happen when cosmetic surgery goes wrong. The other aspect if this problem is our society. We need to take a long hard look at ourselves if we have got to the point where to feel accepted in society you have to look a certain way and to get to look that way you have to inject some unknown chemical into your face.

CO2 Emissions

After promising to be the greenest government ever it has been revealed that the UK's CO2 emissions have gone up. This would be surprising if you were naive enough to think the government would keep a promise. The really worrying thing about this however is that climate change seems to be quite far down in the government's list of priorities. Part of the reasons for increased levels of CO2 is our dependency on fossil fuels, which really must change as it is a crisis waiting to happen. Secondly there is no point reducing the deficit and trying (but in reality failing anyway) to create growing economy if we ruin the environment. When you consider how big a part tourism plays in the economy it would be criminal to ruin the environment.

Well there are just a few helpful hints for just a few of the problems. Nobody will ever listen to them but at least I'm trying. AT LEAST I'M TRYING!

Happy St George's Day!

It's St George's Day so I won't depress you with moaning, although that would be quite English. Now go and have a pint in a pub.

I'll moan and rant tomorrow probably.

Earth Day.

The earth is amazing. Trying to write a blog post about the amazingness of this planet is incredibly hard. Where do you start? The fact that the earth is here at all is amazing. The history of the planet as a rock flying through space for millions of years at thousands of miles an hour alone is incredible. Then there are all the features on the earth now, like mountains and hills, seas and oceans, deserts, lakes, rivers, streams, ponds, cliffs, valleys, plains, plateaus, caves, caverns, potholes, forests, woods, rainforests, savannas, coral reefs, trenches, ridges, grasslands, beaches, coves, waterfalls, volcanoes, geysers and countless other natural features. Then there is how they are all changing as the tectonic plates of the earth move around due to convection currents, causing more mountains and trenches and earthquakes and volcanoes. And all of this has been going on for millions of years across millions of square miles of earth.

Then there is life. From the tiniest bacteria to a T-Rex, from a seed to a Giant Redwood, the miracle of life has exploded across this planet in such wonder that our minds can not possibly comprehend the complexity, beauty, diversity and immensity of it all. There are millions of species crowded onto this splendid rock of ours and that is just the tip of the iceberg. It is thought that 99.9% of all the species that have ever lived are extinct. That means that right now, the amazing spectacle of life that we can witness in all of its glory every single day is just 0.1% of what the earth has seen. How can I possibly sum up the sheer brilliance of life on earth in mere words? You have to go out and explore this planet.

Then there is us. There are billions of us, all doing things, all the time. We are shaping the earth and have been for thousands of years. We have created our own wonders of the world. But again, there are simply too many to list. There is the Great Wall of China, the Pyramids, Machu Picchu, Stonehenge, the Colosseum, the Leaning Tower of Pisa and the Taj Mahal to name just a few. And that really is just a few. They are classic wonders. You could include the Channel Tunnel, the Burj Khalifa (the tallest man-made structure in the world) or the Panama Canal. The more you think about it the more you realise that the wonders are almost never ending. Just stop and think of all the everyday wonders that there are. The fact that you are reading this is amazing. Again, you need to go out and see and experience the man-made wonders of the world, because no matter how hard I try I can't even get across to you even one tiny iota of how amazing this planet is.

People say that the planet is shrinking because of air travel and almost instant satellite communication, but it isn't getting any smaller, not physically or metaphorically. It is just that we have got too used to so many everyday miracles that we simply take them for granted. We don't go and see these amazing natural or man-made wonders like we should. The earth is still there to be explored. Just because a lot of this planet isn't new to humanity doesn't mean it isn't new to you, or to anybody else lucky enough to have been born on a planet so full of amazement and wonder that you can spend a lifetime filling your mind, heart and soul with something that you adore. What we have to do now, every single one of us, is realise and constantly remind ourselves and each other just how utterly fantastic this planet is, because we don't have another one. Go out and look at and experience these wonders, these mind-grabbingly, jaw-droppingly, heart-warming, majestic things that the earth has to offer you. How can you not want to love and take care of this splendid, magnificent planet. Our planet. Earth.