We're all in this together.

One of the UK Government's lines for the past few years has been "we're all in this together". It has mainly been used by tiny mouthed, greasy-haired, polished faced, out of touch, Etonian toff David Cameron and evil eyed, socially shunned, bum-nosed, prat-about-town George Osborne. If they actually believe this utterly incorrect phrase that they've manage to squeeze out of their heads like a potty training toddler squeezing out a difficult poo, then here are some useful things that anybody other than a hermit will have identified as a massive contradiction.

1. Eric Pickles vs Food Banks

In case you've somehow missed Eric Pickles, he is the human walrus with a head that looks like a thumb with a miserable face drawn on. He is at present Secretary of State for Communities and Local Government, presumably achieving this status by eating all the other candidates for the job. Now clearly this man is not in the same boat as people who rely on food banks so that they don't starve. So "we're all in this together" is accurate provided you don't include people who eat.

2. Bankers vs Anybody With Any Level of Morality Whatsoever

Okay, so bankers' bonuses are an easy (and often used) target, but it has to be mentioned. First of all, when everyone else is getting poorer, including people in your own bank, it really isn't justifiable to pay yourself a socking great big pile of cash. To think this is fine you'd have to have a moral compass more skewed than Oscar Pistorias' version of events. Secondly, to call this over-sized payment a bonus shows a complete disregard for the definition of a bonus. A bonus should be something you receive for doing well at your job or doing something beyond the call of duty. Not something you get for causing an economic collapse.

3.  The Rich vs The Poor

I know this is an obvious one, but the gap between the rich and poor is getting wider than David Coulthard's jaw. The majority of Tory politicians are much richer than the rest of us, but just to really rub it in they always  side with the wealthy. The Royal Family, big business owners and media tycoons have been able to get away with things that the rest of us would find ourselves imprisoned for.

4. Education vs Education

Put simply, if you're rich then you can send your child to a private school and if you're not rich then you don't. There is nothing wrong with state schools. They produce many fine men and women who don't grow up to become Tory politicians. Of course state schools are having their funding slashed more severely than a Jack the Ripper victim. Private schools, where pretty much all of the Tories were educated (and sodomised it would seem), aren't suffering any funding cuts and are instead pumped full of money by big businesses which have become so rich by exploiting others or just simply refusing to pay any tax.

5. The North vs The South

Like the gap between the rich and the poor, the North-South divide is also widening. The north of England, especially the north-east, has endured more numerous and deeper cuts than the south. This really is a very obvious example of how we are not "all in this together".

6. Politicians vs Human Beings

For most of the time it appears that the government live on, and are probably from, a different planet. The current Health Secretary, Jeremy Hunt, is a supporter of homeopathy. The Chancellor of the Exchequer, George Osborne (who's real name is Gideon Oliver Osborne), was found to be fiddling his expenses. Michael Gove, Education Secretary, believes education is just a means of churning out people to work for big companies, rather than serving to broaden the mind. Oh and Environment Secretary, Owen Paterson, is a climate change sceptic. That is only just scratching the surface of how out of touch the government is with us Earthlings and our problems.

If there is one way we should be "all in this together", it should be in our agreement that we are ruled by a mob of morons.