The horsemeat scandal: A night-mare?

If you're worried that you've eaten horse, the mane thing is not to panic. Remember that things are a much worse for the horse, just imagine being in their shoes. I understand that images of some poor horses, stood outside in the rein, can really stirrup the emotions. But again, don't worry, the horse population is stable. Having said this, I know I can't shergar coat it. In fact some people have shouted themselves horse in anger at this foal play. Of course people have every right to be angry, some of these companies have been taking consumers for a ride, all for a quick buck. The people responsible may have long faces now, but they mustn't be allowed to just trot off without facing the consequences. The more worrying news however, is that potentially dangerous drugs have entered into the human food chain as a result. Will these drugs be in the food chain furlong? This is not equestrian I can answer. Of course the real tragedy in all of this is that the phrase 'I'm so hungry I could eat a horse' has lost all meaning. 

The drug worries aside, this scandal doesn't actually seem too bad. It doesn't effect vegetarians, vegans or people who like horses (to eat, not ride). One thing in particular that I have noticed, is that nobody has actually complained about the taste. Which really begs the question, why don't we eat horse? If it is 'tasty' enough to pass for ready meal quality beef and cheap enough to make companies want to use it instead of cow, then why don't we have genuine (pronounce in New York accent for full effect), equine burgers? In fact, why disguise horse in round slabs of meat at all? Why not have the horsemeat equivalent of turkey dinosaurs? Sliced horsemeat sandwiches? (which I presume will go well with horseradish sauce). Horse scratchings? (lets face it, they can't be any worse than the pork variety). For those with more expensive tastes, how would you like to be the proud eater of the winner of the Grand National? Horses also have the added benefit of being able to rapidly transport themselves to slaughterhouses. And just think of all the luck people will have once there is a surplus of horse shoes. Horses also pollute less; cows' burps are notorious for adding unwanted gases to the atmosphere. My only concern however, is that it may only be a matter of time before traces of jockey would be discovered. But what if we get a taste for jockey too? Its not too big a leap to then move on to eat proper, full size people. I presume they'd taste the same (think eating a Mars Bar and eating a Jumbo Mars Bar). Well, who I am to stand in the way of progress.

Bon appétit